Hello, my name is jeanne and I have lost my mind.

Last night right after work I met Mitch, Naomi, Maneesh, Curt, and Mike downtown at the Upstre@m for a few beers at happy hour. The boys went to Toad’s to have some Scotch and Naomi and I went to the g00fy foot to play pool, and then back to their place. (This is where things kind of start to fall apart). We’re hanging out there, blah blah blah, the boys bring us some Taco Hell and buy some beer, and she gives us our Christmas presents. She had bought little photo albums from Ban@na Republic and filled them with pictures for each of us – me, Chad, Zach, Andrew.

Flip through it, and Zach is in 80% of the pictures. I’m semi-drunk and it makes me really sad, but we continue hanging out and whatnot. Everyone decides we’re going to go back out to the bars, so we debate that for a bit and then finally leave. As we’re sitting in the car, Zach and Katie wander up from her car, and everyone decides to go back inside. I decide I do not want to go back inside, so Curt and I leave.

When we get back to his apartment, I look through the pictures again and I start crying so hard I can’t stop. He was my best friend, for christ’s sake. We went damn near everywhere together for almost a year and a half and now we can’t even be in the same room together? What the hell? How did this happen? Blegh, it’s making me sad again to even type this.

So I finally pull myself together and we go to the 49’er, pay our cover, and have one drink. Adam calls looking for a ride back downtown to pick up his car and Curt agrees, which for some reason pisses me off to no end. So we walk back to his place, I try to leave, he tells me I shouldn’t be driving, and I get all angry and tell him that he shouldn’t either, and that the only reason he’s so against my driving is because I already got caught. I didn’t leave, and we talked about the whole driving thing – that the whole DUI thing can happen to any of the rest of them too, and that we as an entire group really need to watch that, because I’ve already gotten burned and Mitch came extremely close. We finish talking about this, and he puts me to bed. It was 10:45 and I had been on some weird emotional rollercoaster for so long I was exhausted.

The last couple of months have been so strange. I feel like someone broke me and put me back together, but instead of using superglue, they used some little kid’s Elmers or something and it’s not holding very well. Curt is wonderful but it’s been a big change to start dating someone and for it to get this intense this quickly… I moved from my apartment to my parent’s basement, and I feel like I have no space to myself anymore. I have to finish applying to law school, and while I am pretty darn sure I still want to go, I don’t know if I want to do it next fall or what. I don’t know what to do about moving (he and I talked some about that whole last night, but nothing is settled. I hate that. Waiting, waiting, waiting.). I lost my job and found this new one, which is good but the changes have been pretty intense. So many new things, all at once. Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed right now. I need a weekend right now – thank god it’s Friday, too bad it’s only 8:45 am.